The Wit And Wisdom of Comedian Jim Gaffigan!

Some of you might be familiar with comedian Jim Gaffigan, (Beyond the Pale, King Baby).

Well, being a “Twitterer”, I follow Jim’s “tweets”, & some of them are hilarious.

I will continue to post them, as I get them!

(I could kill myself, for not thinking to do this earlier!)

These are all tweets that I have received from Jim.

1. “Why do we look, after we have used a tissue? What do we expect to find? ‘Look, a pocket watch!'”

2. “Has anyone used the term more dumb”, & not sounded more dumb?”

3. “Seeing someone in their underwear is either arousing or terrifying. One of the reasons that I never wear any.”

4. “I think anyone who buys Extenze should not allowed to vote. Proof that it doesn’t work: the name Extenze”

5. “Did the person who invented the tofu dog ever actually eat a hot dog?”

6.”At night: ‘Yea, Jalapenos!’

In the morning: ‘Boo, Jalapenos!'”

7. “I think that it’s weird when personal trainers are out of shape.

‘You should do some sit-ups.

I never do, but you should””

8. “JUST FINISHED A MARATHON!

Sure, it was a marathon nap, but I’m still proud of myself. I’m glad that I carb loaded beforehand.”

9. “Can’t believe they named a piece of excersize equipment the treadmill. ‘Oh, I can’t wait to get on the treadmill. That doesn’t sound boring.'”

10. “The winter vest is really the thong of coats.

Of the 2, I probably look better in the vest.”

11. “Has anyone wearing a neck brace ever NOT looked like they were faking it?

‘It’s awkward, but the insurance settlement will be worth it.'”

12.”Just had some laundry done at the hotel.

Now, I can’t afford to send my kids to college.”

13. “Eating crab is too much work.

They are the pistachio of seafood.”

14. “Parents are like comedians.

I don’t assume they are crazy, but the odds are pretty good.”

15. “Fall is here. It is one of my favorite days of the year.”

16. “This morning stuff happens waaaaaay too early!”

17.”The hayride. It’s a bumpy uncomfortable ride AND I get to sit on hay? Sign me up!”

18. “If I were president, all beer would be served colder”

19. “Is it me or are steakhouses an inch away from being a strip club?”

20. “Had to throw a bottle of urine and a dead rat in the garbage. Just another day at the park in NYC with my kids. (wish I was exaggerating)